


redbull, blood and stars

by aliceisntlovely



Category: BLURRYFACE - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Gay, Highschool AU, Josh in Love, M/M, Smut? Maybe, Teen Josh Dun, Teen Tyler Joseph, be kind, im sorry, josh dun - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, this is messy, trigger warning for mentions of self harm, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tyler joseph - Freeform, when it wants to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-12-23 08:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11986194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceisntlovely/pseuds/aliceisntlovely
Summary: sometimes its not dangerous to get into a strangers car





	1. taken by sleep

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all,,, this is my first time publishing any of my writing, so feedback would be very much appreciated!  
> this is written by an australian so if ya think ive written something wrong, thats probably why.  
> mum > mom
> 
> :)  
> ~a

||| (((( CHAPTER ONE )))) |||  
TAKEN BY SLEEP

It was 3:49 am, according to Tyler’s dodgy alarm clock. His mum was high off her ass, and his Dad still wasn’t home.  
Tyler’s brother Zack was out with his friends, probably getting some girl pregnant and killing his brain cells with alcohol. He’d been like that since he was fourteen. That was a long time ago.  
The entire house was quiet except for his mum’s druggy snores, so he quietly moved around the shitty house, staying close to furniture and away from the walls. Tyler reached over and traced his hand loosely along the peeling wallpaper, carefully placing his feet avoiding the half-filled bottles of beer and loose cigarette packets. Although she was probably fully asleep after her drug fiesta, it was always best to stay quiet. Although she looked frail, his mum could hit hard. Boy, could she hit hard.  
Tyler crept into the kitchen, flicked on the lights. Three lights were lit but the fourth one was out. He sighed. Tyler knew it was going to be his money replacing that.  
Slowly he walked over to the fridge, opened it. Much to Tyler’s dismay, it contained an off bottle of mustard, stale end-pieces of bread and an almost empty carton of milk.  
Again, he sighed, slamming the fridge before grabbing it, panicked, and closing it quietly.  
Tyler crossed the kitchen, catching a glimpse at the sink before opening the pantry, smiling slightly as he discovered a bag of cereal.  
He groaned quietly to himself as he poured the milk in first. He hated it when people did this, but it made less sound than cereal clinking against the edges of his bowl.  
Grabbing the cleanest spoon, Tyler flicked off the light and retreated to his room.  
It was now 3:59 am  
He put the bowl down and reached under his bed. Yet another sigh left Tyler’s mouth as he realised he would have to restock on food again, meaning he would have to find money, but then remembered the lights in the kitchen.  
He argued in his head.  
Buy food for himself first and risk being his mother’s target?  
Or replace the bulb before she noticed and starve himself?  
Tyler weighed the pros and cons, fingers lightly grazing over the faded bruises from the last out lash. He hissed quietly as he pressed down a little too hard on the most recent one, a large purple-yellow mess on his upper arm. Tyler ignored the pain, and tried to think about ways for him to both fix the light and feed himself. As his thoughts churned, his hands danced unknowingly down to his wrists, pushing down on the raised lines, small rubies trickling out and seeping into his nails.  
Tyler gasped as he looked down and realised he’d opened the cuts – again.  
He sighed, simply rolling up his sleeves and ignoring it. The blood softly ‘plipped’ onto the floor, small dark circles staining the wood. Tyler looked out of his small second-story window and watched the lazy Ohio snow fall gently to the ground, tears wetting his eyes suddenly. He plodded up to his desk. Tyler grabbed a piece of paper and began scribbling meaningless rhymes onto the page, his blood slowly making it become a scarlet letter.  
The snow had reminded him of an old friend.  
“This is a story about a scarlet letter... yeah

It just hit me as I lay my head down  
No one around in the dark cold night, I hear a sound  
In my head repeat track of everything you've ever said  
Must be something, but it's nothing, so I just go back to bed

It's 4, crack the door to the hallway in my dreams  
But it seems my hallway keeps closing in on me  
Forcing me out, making me think about you and how you're gone  
I see 4: 05 with teary eyes and then I write this song

And I just can't believe it has to be this way  
You know we say it seems to me that it was just the other day  
I saw your face, I saw your light, you ran the race, you fought the fight  
But now it's all being torn down for me tonight

And I know it might be a little selfish for me to say  
But I need to know if you've thought of me at all today  
Cause every day walk past the place you lived five days of the week  
And now it's 10---

 

Tyler looks over to his clock with blurry, wet eyes and finally is taken by sleep.  
His head hits the desk hard and his hair sticks to the crimson on his arm.


	2. kitchen sink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: domestic abuse,, panic attacks

||| (((( CHAPTER 2 )))) |||  
KITCHEN SINK

Tyler wakes up with a sore neck and blood in his hair, his alarm beeping noisily in his ear, his arm still slightly leaking red.  
He slams his hand down onto the clock, accidently knocking it off the desk and slamming it into the ground hard. The noise stops, and Tyler is suddenly awake desperately reaching for the alarm, praying it didn’t break. Thankfully, the batteries had just fallen out and it was only slightly dented. Even the thought of having to replace his clock as well as feed himself and buy a new bulb was stressful.  
He squatted and rubbed the back of his neck, ran his hand through his hair and feels the hardened blood knotted into his brown fluffy hair. Sighing, he puts the batteries back into his clock, and looks at the time.  
6:01  
Tyler stretches back up and rubs his tired eyes. He had meant to get more sleep, really, he had, but sudden thoughts of old friends had drifted into his head and anxious feelings kept him up.  
He plodded into the adjoining bathroom of his bedroom, yawning and dragging his feet. Tyler pulled off his shirt and clambered out of his shorts, turning the tap in the shower on to full heat. This of course resulted in only slightly warm water, but mist still formed in the small bathroom. He wiped his bloodied hand over the mirror to get a glimpse of himself and immediately regretted it, smearing crimson over the foggy glass.  
“Fuck…” He muttered under his breath and picked up his shorts to wipe away the blood. As he had cleaned the mirror, he completely forgot about his tired reflection and took off his boxers, stepping into the shower.  
The water ran red at his feet as his now-dried blood dripped off his thin wrists, the water bathing over his frail frame.  
Tyler Joseph raised his arms and scrubbed the red out of his brunette hair, ignoring the stinging as the hot water hit his open wounds and face.  
-

Tyler stepped out of the bathroom, completely dressed and completely dry. His clock reads 6:14.  
He walks quietly downstairs, sneaking into his mother’s room to retrieve money. Tyler takes ten dollars from the pile of crumpled up notes on her cigarette-littered dresser and swiftly leaves her room without disturbing her. He checks the lounge room for his brother before leaving the house, glancing into the kitchen but fighting back the urge to open a certain drawer. Tyler stared at the sink, memories dancing in his head, but he ignored them and slammed the front door behind him. Immediately regretting this decision, he ducked under the window, praying he hadn’t woken his mother up.  
A sigh of relief left his lips after he waited for a few seconds and heard only silence coming from the run-down house. He stood up and dusted off his black-clad knees, stepping lightly down the aching steps and rubbing his sore neck, heading towards school.  
Tyler Joseph had been home-schooled up until last year, but after his father’s death his mum had spiralled downhill and had sent him to a Christian high school, hoping to ‘straighten him out’, meaning stop him from being home all the time. This of course, didn’t work and if anything, had made Tyler worse. He stopped trying to get his mother to understand a long time ago.

Tyler walked to school in the early hours of the day, avoiding all the other students by taking the quiet, dark back alleys and getting to school just as the bell rang. He wandered into form unnoticed, and drifted through the day as a ghost in his black hoodie and jeans. 

-

The boy left school feeling okay, the regular idiots had ignored him and none of the teachers tried to talk to him, so the day was fine so far. He walked along the cracked suburban pathway staring at his feet, pulling together rhythms in his head and connecting them to loose lyrics he had floating around.  
Tyler hummed a steady beat and tapped his thighs lightly, looking up occasionally for cars and people to avoid. He turned at The Basement, a small but homey bar. The place was a little dreary, but he liked it. Tyler had never drunk there (well not legally) but the atmosphere always cheered him up.  
-  
The tall boy arrived at his run-down home and quietly opened the flimsy screen door. He was greeted by his brothers yelling.  
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING HERE, TYLER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  
Tyler backed up against the wall, trying to get out of his drunken siblings reach. In his efforts to protect himself, he knocked over a few of the bottles lying on the floor. Seeing this, Zack laughed.  
“You think you’re impressive, Tyler? Breaking my shit? Tryna-tr-tr- “He stopped midsentence and heaved, stumbling slightly and holding himself up against the wall. “Augh… Tr-tryna start shit with me baby boy? You wanna – “  
Zack stepped towards Tyler with his fist clenched. He chuckled when the smaller boy flinched.  
“Oh, you’re scared now? You think I’m going to hit you? You WANT me to hit you? Is that it?” He moved again towards Tyler, a smirk across his face. Zack dropped his bottle. “What IS it you want? Huh? ANSWER ME TY TY.”  
Tyler murmured something quietly, turning his face away from Zack. This made Zacks face contort into something of anger and confusion, but Tyler wasn’t sure which.  
“SPEAK UP!” Zack hit has hand against the wall next to Tyler’s head multiple times, not noticing the blood dancing across his knuckles. The alcohol had made him numb.  
Again, Tyler muttered something, a little louder this time, but still inaudible.  
“LOOK AT ME WHEN IM SPEAKING TO YOU! -” Zack raised his arm and held out his palm flat, threatening to hit the young boy. “…just like Daddy, yea- “  
” LEAVE ME ALONE!”  
Tears pricked Tyler’s eyes, and they threatened to dribble down his face as he interrupted his brother. They both stood in shocked silence as his eyes leaked and hit the floor with soft plips. He shoved Zack out of the way hard and raced up to his room, his feet hitting the stairs loudly and sobs escaping his mouth. The slamming of his doorway echoed throughout the entire house as Zack realised he was bleeding.  
He approached the kitchen sink and washed his hand gingerly, doing as good a job as a drunk person can. Retreating to his room, Zack mumbled numerous curses and before stumbling into a wall and throwing up in a trash can.

-

Tyler sat in his room, sobbing and hyperventilating on the floor. Zack had never hit him before, but he seemed close today. What would he do next time? Did Tyler want to know? Just the thought of it hurt him, made him panic harder.  
He could barely breathe, and Zack was behind his eyelids. Flashes of dreams when he blinked. Tyler clawed at his arms, his chest was pounding and his eyes were flooding. He choked out a cough, spitting all over his wooden floor. He leaned forward, resting his forehead onto a dry patch of ground. Tyler’s arms wrapped around himself and he tried to slow his ragged breathes. His eyelids were becoming lazy, and the world around him became blurry.  
It wasn’t that much later when Tyler heard his brother yell out from downstairs before slamming the front door and leaving. He was more drunk than he was earlier.  
“IM A GAMBLING MAN TYLER, I AM. DON’T EVER TRY IT AGAIN, BABY BROTHER. I LOVE IT…” and slightly quieter: “but I hate it too…”  
He stared out the bedroom door as he heard his brother leave and managed one incoherent sentence.  
“Don’t leave me alone.”  
Tyler Joseph passed out on the wet floor, covered in tears and sweat.  
 


	3. late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry m'dudes this ones a short one

||| (((( CHAPTER 3 )))) |||  
LATE

Tyler didn’t wake up as early that morning. In fact, he woke up so late he missed school. He had slept through his alarm, but when he did wake up, he was sore and wet.   
Pulling himself up from the floor, Tyler wiped drool from his chin and held his throbbing head. All of him ached, the stress of his brother and the hard sleeping surface had drained him even as he slept.   
His feet plodded heavy as Tyler he slumped onto his bed and rubbed his eyes. He glanced at his alarm clock. 11:25 pm. “Shit…”   
There was no point in going to school now. It would be too awkward to explain why he was late, and Tyler could see the conversation playing out in his head.  
“Hello, young man. Here to sign in? Yes, just write your name here, and could you tell me the reason love?”  
“Yeah, I had a panic attack and tired myself out so much I slept through my alarm.”  
“Hmm, a p-panic attack? Do you want to see the nurse?”  
“No, I’m fine, just my brother was drunk off his ass, tried to hit me and then brought up a repressed memory. Don’t worry, that’s what brothers do, right?”  
As he thought out that sentence, he wondered. Is that right? Tyler thought back to when he was still young and his dad was still alive. He couldn’t remember much from back when he was younger. How did him and his brother behave together? He was 6 years older than Tyler, they didn’t really interact much.  
Tyler frowned as he sat on his bed with his head in his hands trying to pull up old memories. Why couldn’t he think of anything? Yet again, his fingers tip-toed around his wrists, slipping under his sleeves and running along his thin and thick lines. Tyler tried to fight against his urges, he really did, but before he knew it, Tyler had his blades out.

-

Carefully, he laid the cheap band-aids over his fresh reminders of his pathetic life. The two thin red lines seeped into the bandage and showed through, but Tyler didn’t really care. He slid his sleeves down over his wrists and washed the blood from his bathroom sink, watched the water turn dark pink as it went down the drains. Tyler turned off the faucet, turned off the light and quietly closed the door.  
He sat at his desk and flicked through his journal, feeling light headed and woozy. Tyler knew he was hungry, extremely so, but he didn’t want to leave his room while his brother could be home. He decided that when it got dark, he would climb out of his window and walk down to the local Taco Bell.   
That’s when disaster struck.


	4. tb saga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they,,,, meet

||| (((( CHAPTER 4 )))) |||  
TB SAGA  
Tyler looked at his (slightly dented) alarm clock. Its glowing face showed 11:04 pm, and from the snores he heard from his brother, it was prime time to leave.   
He grabbed his backpack, chucked a jacket over his hoodie, laced up his black vans and quietly clambered out of the window. Tyler placed his feet carefully on the grooves in the wall, lowered himself onto the garage roof. As he started climbing down onto his gravel driveway, a car drove past quietly. Tyler flinched and dropped to the ground, backing into the shadows quickly. He stared at the pink-haired driver, praying not to be seen, holding his breath.  
Thankfully, the stranger didn’t seem to notice him, so Tyler waited till the car was out of sight and then started on his way to the fast food joint.   
The walk to Taco Bell didn’t take long, but the boy still walked briskly. He hadn’t eaten much for the past few days.  
When he arrived he noticed something odd, the car that had passed his home was in the parking lot. Slight panic rose in his chest.  
It was just a coincidence, surely, so Tyler walked into the store like nothing was wrong. It probably was just a similar car.  
He walked up to the till.  
“Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. What can I get you?”  
“Uh, a taco please.”  
“Sure sir, and what would you like in it?”  
Tyler was feeling a little anxious when he looked over to the tables and saw an unoccupied black jacket. Was his mystery driver wearing a black jacket? He couldn’t remember, was he wearing a jacket at all? More importantly, why was this important to him, this was un-  
“Sir?”  
Tyler snapped his head around back to the man and blushed nervously, apologising profusely.  
“Oh, god. Uh, sorry. Um, I just- I. I’d like beef and cheese, thanks. Oh! And uh, lettuce.”  
The server smiled and brushed off Tyler’s awkwardness.  
“Is that all?”  
“Uh, yeah just no tomato please. Thank you.”  
“Of course.”  
-  
He got his food and thanked the man behind the counter. He sat down at one of the booths anxiously, but he didn’t want to go home just yet, being in the store was nice and quiet at this time of night. Only one other person was there, an old man eating slowly at a burrito and reading a newspaper. This man paid no attention to Tyler thankfully, so his nerves were eased.  
He opened his taco and took a couple of bites before he heard the bathroom door open loudly behind him. Tyler turned his head and glanced over his shoulder, mouth full, and saw the pink-haired driver from earlier. The mystery boy looked him in the eyes and smiled slightly, but looked surprised.  
Tyler quickly turned his head back and started breathing a little faster. He was confused, who was this boy? He had no clue, maybe they both went to school together? Tyler wouldn’t know, he barely looked up from his feet when moving from class to class.  
Pink hair, pink hair. Why couldn’t he place this boy?

Tyler sat in his booth, placed his taco down on the wrapper, covered his face slightly. He was blushing, why was he blushing? He could feel it, warm heat crawling up his neck and glowing in his cheeks.  
Tyler picked up his meal again and finished it quickly, trying to pre-occupy his thoughts. It worked a little, he could sense his pale face growing dimmer. The butterflies in his stomach (when did they get there?) calmed down and he looked at the time, deciding he should leave, it was suspicious for a teen to be out this late. Alone, especially.  
He picked up his bag, pushed up his hood and smiled lightly at the man behind the counter before exiting the store and beginning to walk towards the local deli. Tyler was running low on energy lately, and the deli sold Red Bull for an unbelievably low price.   
He hadn’t walked far when he realised the car driving alongside him. The person behind the wheel had pink hair and black gauges in his ears. Tyler wasn’t sure why he noticed this first, but the second thing he noticed was the boy smiling and saying something. Now he looked slightly concerned, a little awkward. Half-smiling, a light fake laugh. His mouth formed words again.  
Ah, Tyler was staring.  
“I’m sorry, pardon?”  
The boy laughed again, but this time it was genuine.  
” I asked if you were okay. It’s getting pretty late, and you don’t look too confident.”  
Why did this offend Tyler so much?  
“What, do you think I can’t handle myself? I’m perfectly capable.”  
“No, dude, don’t stress it, I just thought you might want a lift.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“I saw you climbing out of your window. I don’t think you saw me, but I saw you.”  
Shit, so he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought he was. How did he not notice? He stared at the boy with concern.  
“You want a ride or not?”

-

Before he knew it, Tyler was sitting in a stranger’s car. In his mind, his thoughts churned. This is exactly how horror movies start, and stranger danger was a big threat, c’mon Tyler you learnt this in year one.  
He looked over at the boy, analysed his face. He didn’t seem threatening, but what did that matter? Nearly all famous murderers were generic, regular guys. But although he felt slightly uncomfortable, this boy was also oddly calming. His presence made Tyler feel at ease.   
He continued to gaze at the pretty stranger, noticing the nose ring and the faint smile lines around his eyes. His hair wasn’t electric pink, it was like cotton candy, and his lips were almost the same colour.  
“I’m Josh, well a-actually its Joshua, but just Josh is fine.”  
The boys voice snapped Tyler out of his trance, as they both realised Tyler was staring. Josh hadn’t taken his eyes off the road, but he could tell he noticed. Tyler covered his face with his hand and looked out the window but used the confidence this boy gave him and took advantage of his obvious vulnerability.  
“Well, ‘just Josh’. – “He looked over at him and they exchanged glances. Josh looked a little humoured, but said nothing. “I’m Tyler. Now, if you don’t mind, – “He shifted in the car seat to face Josh more. “– I actually needed to pick up a few things from the deli before I go home. So, - “Tyler looked out the window. “– I think just here will be fine. “  
Josh looked slightly disappointed but slowed the car down a bit.   
“I can take you there if you want.”  
Tyler laughed lightly, surely, he had to know Josh from somewhere. A stranger wouldn’t be so welcoming to his gloomy presence.  
“What are you, a taxi cab?”  
Josh laughed and kept the steady speed of the car.  
“No, but I can drop you off here if you want.”  
Tyler smiled. “Actually, I won’t take a raincheck. I accept your offer.”


	5. tear in my heart

||| (((( CHAPTER 4 )))) |||  
TEAR IN MY HEART

Sometimes you got to bleed to know  
That you’re alive and have a soul  
But it takes someone to come around  
To show you how

It had been a few months since Tyler and Josh had met. They had hit it off that night in the car, buzzed from the Red Bull and a little intoxicated (Josh’s doing), they found comfort in each other.   
Josh seemed to pour his heart out every time they saw each other, confining things in Tyler he swore he had never told anyone else. They laughed and drank and ate Taco Bell in the parking lot of the deli, and they made fun of the stars and each other’s haircuts and talked about their plans for the universe.  
Tyler had found some one that didn’t hate him, someone who didn’t seem to, anyway. He couldn’t really tell, but he went along with it anyway. The fateful night they met, Tyler was nervous the entire time, nervous as Josh walked with him through the store, nervous when Josh’s hand grazed his back, nervous when he opened the car for him, nervous when Josh didn’t start the car straight away.

Tyler sat anxiously in the pink haired boys’ car. They were just sitting. Josh hadn’t started the car, hadn’t even put the keys in ignition. He sat in his seat, seeming to debate things in his head, looking down, hands on the wheel.   
“You wanna hang out somewhere? Like-uh, I don’t know. We can go back to your house, but I don’t think you wanna go back there?”  
Tyler looked at Josh. Studied his face, a shocked expression on his.  
“W-what?”  
Josh blushed and pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes up and rubbing his face.  
“Haha, um, sorry, it’s just. Argh. We’re um, not really strangers? I know your brother. Well, used to, but yeah. He kind of spiralled and stopped talking to me. He said bad shit was going on at home, something about your mum?”  
He looked at Tyler, who’s eyes were wide and surprised. He raised his eyebrows and bit his lip.  
“Wait… you’re Josh…Dun, right? Dun? I think I remember you? You didn’t have coloured hair. It was brown.”  
Josh smiled awkwardly and rubbed his arm. Tyler flinched and recoiled.  
“Not that its bad – you looked good natural, - ah. N-not that you don’t look good now, uh. Uhm. The pink totally suits you, ha-ha.”  
Josh laughed and ran his hand through his hair and rustled it.  
“Haha, yeah dude. I shaved the sides too. I think I like it more now, it’s more me. And it’s cool to try new things.”  
Josh looked into Tyler’s eyes for a few seconds awkwardly.  
“– Ah, anyway. I think we only met once, and it was for like two seconds. Not a very memorable meeting.”  
“Yeah…”  
The two boys sat in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. Tyler thought about his options, and thought about the time. Would his mother even care? No. So, he made up his mind.  
“Well then, ‘Just Josh’, since you’re no stranger, take me somewhere. No one’s waiting up for me”

They drove to a nearby playground, but it was freezing cold so they stayed in the car with the warmth of the shitty heater and sipped at the energy drinks. Josh pulled out a bottle of cheap liquor and they mixed their drinks, making slightly disgusting but oddly enticing ‘cocktails’.   
“Fuck.”  
Josh giggled and looked up at Tyler.  
“Hmmmm?”  
“I can’t go home, Josh. I have to climb through the window and look at me, I can barely walk a straight line. F-“ he hiccupped “-uck.”  
Josh patted at his new-found friend’s arm, sending tingles up into his brain. He kept his hand resting on Tyler’s arm and gripped it slightly.  
“Don’t worry, kid. We’ve made it this far, you can sleep at my place.” A lazy half-wink followed and Josh moved his hand from the boy to the steering wheel.   
“Are you sure?”

 

The boys laid on the roof of Josh’s car, staring at the stars again.  
“Tyler, can I tell you a story? About my (cough) g-girlfriend?”  
Tyler’s eyes widened for the millionth time after meeting Josh. His heart fluttered a little, his stomach churned uncomfortably. He could feel the muscles in his face tightening as his brows furrowed slightly. Was he…jealous?  
“When we first met, she was so, so, so just. Ah. There wasn’t any words to describe her, She was the tear in my heart. I felt like I was on fire when I was around her. She was so great, Debby.”  
Tyler raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, and what’s different now?”  
Josh put his hands out in front of him and waved his arms around slowly, looking at the stars, then flopping them back down to his chest, deflated.  
“She’s just as beautiful as ever, but she’s changed. She’s not…. I don’t know, she doesn’t let me…. Never mind, this is between me and Debby, I shouldn’t drag you into it. Don’t worry about it.”  
Pushing down his new feelings, Tyler attempted to console Josh.  
“I have no idea how to comfort you dude, I haven’t really, uh, been with any girls.”  
Josh laughed whole-heartedly at this and turned back to face Tyler. He was a light shade of pink and seemed a little dimmer behind his eyes, eager to change the topic.  
“Bull. Absolute bull, no. I don’t believe this. What?”  
Tyler looked down awkwardly and forced out a half-laugh. “Yeah man, I’ve never been any good with girls. Never good with people in general, really.”  
Josh looked at Tyler, eyebrows furrowed, but he couldn’t tell what this face expression meant. Confusion? Shock? … Concern?  
“Yeah… I was home-schooled before high school, and so I didn’t have anybody else to make friends with really? There’s not really any people on my streets with kids. I guess by the time I got to a real school I just never bothered? I don’t know, I’m not really a people person.”  
Josh laughed and nearly fell off the car. Tyler grabbed his shirt and sat up immediately, trying to stop his friend from falling off into the cold grass. Thankfully, no one fell and they stayed relatively secure on top of the car. They both laughed.  
“I can see that Tyler. But don’t worry, m’brother, even if you have no clue how to act normally in a social situation and had no friends as a kid, you have me now. I’m not an ass, and I’m not going to leave you any time soon. I’ll help you with the armour ‘round your heart.”  
Josh smiled sheepishly and laid his palms out on their chests. One hand on Tyler’s, on hand on his own. Tyler could feel Josh’s warm hand through his thin clothes, and he could feel his heart rate getting faster. He could feel his face getting pink, he could feel Josh’s eyes on him. He could feel how Josh didn’t move his hand at first, he could feel it moving down to his waist. Tyler’s heart was almost in cardiac arrest. A second hand met his other side., sliding around to his back. Tyler looked up at Josh with confusion and embarrassment, then pain as a rock hit him in the back of the head.  
“FUCKING FAGS”  
More rocks and other debris came their way and Josh quickly pulled away from Tyler, standing up and jumping off the car. Pulling off his jacket and revealing a colourful tattoo, he sprinted towards the group of boys and a look of pure terror came across their face. They were not expecting someone so buff, and they certainly werent expecting a retaliation. They ran in the other direction, squealing and dropping the rocks they were throwing. Josh stopped and picked up a couple and belted them at the kids. Tyler was in awe.  
“THAT’S RIGHT YOU LITTLE HOMOPHOBIC PRICKS. FUCK OFF BACK TO YOUR CAVES. LEARN SOME FUCKING MANNERS.”  
One of the kids cried out as the rock it him in the leg and he fell. His pals abandoned him, the only thought in their mind was to get away from the big scary ‘gay’ man. The kid screamed out at his friends.  
Josh jogged up to the boy, and stood next to him. To the kid, Josh was towering above him, holding the rocks and flaunting a mean tattoo sleave. He pushed his pink hair out of his eyes.  
“How dare you even think that’s okay? I think you should go home and think about how awfully disrespectful that was. Throwing rocks. Don’t do that kind of shit. Okay?”  
The kid nodded, tears in his eyes and cowering away from josh’s outreached hand. His friends hid in the shadows, watching as this man lectured him.  
“C’mon, dust yourself off. Go home.” Said Josh with a hard expression.  
The boy took Josh’s strong hand and was pulled straight off the floor. He dusted his knees and ran off back to his friends. All the boys sprinted off and Josh retreated to Tyler and his car. He picked his jacket up off the ground and pulled himself up onto the roof with his friend.  
Josh reached out to Tyler and gently pushed his head down, near his crotch. Tyler immediately resisted and jumped back up.  
“Wha- “  
Josh laughed. “No dude, I’m checking the back of your head. Turn around If you’re that uncomfortable.”  
Tyler turned bright red and smiled crookedly. His voice went slightly higher.  
“No, it’s- uh, its fine, ha-ha. Sorry”   
He bent his head down and Josh sat up on his knees, carefully lacing his fingers through the boy’s brunette hair to try and find something. Tyler burned a dark shade of red, as Josh gently searched for any abrasions and felt his heart rate go up again. God damn it Tyler. What was happening?  
Josh sighed in relief, and fell back down onto his knees. He sat crossed-legged and patted his friend on the shoulder.  
“Good luck, m’dude, you’re all good. No bleeding, just a little bump. Got to hurt though.”

Tyler laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, shivering as a breeze swept through the air. Josh’s eyebrows went up and he leaned forward.  
“You okay dude? It is getting cold. Maybe we should head back to my place, it’s getting pretty late too. We can’t stay out all night, the dodgys might inject us with something.”  
Here it was. Josh’s ‘Mum mode’. Super concern for everyone else, super responsibility and super loving. Tyler knew Josh hated it when he went into this, but secretly Tyler thought it was the most adorable thing. He wondered if he did it with other friends.  
“Yeah, it is getting kind of chilly, lets head back.”

 

The two boys sat in the heated car, one awake and one asleep. Tyler’s little snores kept Josh company as he complained to himself and avoided potholes on the drive home. There was nothing to listen to except for the little incoherent things that found its way out of Tyler’s mouth while he was sleeping, and god damn was it cute. Josh had to be extra concentrated, not only because the roads were extra slippery, but because he was being extremely distracted by the boy in his passenger seat.   
Josh drove slowly so he wouldn’t wake him up, and when he pulled in the driveway he carried him into the house. Usually when Tyler stayed over, he always forced Josh into letting him sleep on his couch even though he insisted on letting Tyler use the bed. Eventually Tyler always had his way and didn’t complain, but Josh knew that he was always sore in the morning.  
But tonight, Tyler was asleep, so the boy wasn’t sleeping on the couch. Josh trudged into his room and laid the light boy on his bed. He opened his closet and pulled out some blankets, made the couch sleep-able. He looked at it and frowned.  
What an awful couch. It wasnt comfy to lay on, not even efficient for sitting really. Quite a useless sofa, but he hadn’t the heart to get rid of it. Many memories had been formed on that couch, and he couldn’t bear to part with it. However, he still didn’t want to sleep on it.   
Josh looked over at Tyler and at his bed. It was a pretty big bed and surely Tyler wouldn’t mind. 

He smiled as he tucked the fragile boy into bed and then clambered in himself, not too close to Tyler and facing the opposite way, he beamed. Josh felt Tyler move in his sleep and he felt body warmth close but not touching. He felt warm in his cheeks and then gasped.  
Was he…No. Nope. Not even going to think about that. Straight thoughts, Josh. Girls.   
And even though he insisted it simply wasn’t true, he didn’t move when he woke up the next morning with a tanned arm around his waist and a soft face nuzzled into his shoulder.


	6. baskets and worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> worry and angst, i guess? this ones a short one fellas but the next chapter should be coming soon. leave criticism in the comments if ya can.  
> thnk

||| (((( CHAPTER 5 )))) |||  
BASKETS  
Tyler woke up in Josh’s bed, but Josh was nowhere to be seen. He sat up and sleepily rubbed his eyes, confused. He usually slept on the couch.  
“Josh?”  
Tyler heard a clatter downstairs, followed by curses.  
“Yeah Tyler? Im making breakfast, come down!”  
He lazily pulled himself out of bed trudging down the stairs, dragging his feet and yawning. He turned the corner, walked into the kitchen and raised his eyebrows. Josh wasn’t wearing a shirt, and his muscly freckled back was facing away from him. His tattooed arms were skilfully concucting something in a pan, and his hair was ruffled and messy.  
“Good morning, Tyler.” Said Josh playfully as he watched the brunette boy shuffle his way to the breakfast bar and sit down.  
He turned his back to Tyler to continue with breakfast.  
“How’d you sleep?”  
Sleepily, Tyler responded. “Yeah, it was fine. Actually, it was really comfy. You have great pillows here, haha. I think I kicked a few of them off the bed at some point though, sorry bout that.”  
Tyler said this with little emotion, but inside is head he was panicking. He had woken up in the night, arms wrapped around a sleeping pink-haired boy. Of course immediately he pulled away and slept on the edge of the bed for the rest of the night. At this point, Josh was glad he was facing away from Tyler as he blushed a bright red. The brunette boy didn't know what he did last night?  
“Haha, yeah don’t worry about it.”  
Tyler fiddled with a pen and yawned again.  
“Watcha makin’?”  
He dropped the pen and wandered over towards the oven. “Pancakes, huh? Hell yeah.”  
Tyler slid past Josh’s shirtless freckled back and opened up the fridge, grabbing out a carton of milk.  
He poured himself a glass, familiar with Josh’s house. Tyler put the milk back in the fridge, passed by Josh again and sat himself down. Josh turned around and placed a plate of perfectly cooked pancakes on the table, sitting down himself.  
“You woke up just in time my dude.”  
“Yeah?”  
Said Tyler, his mouth full. “Yeah, in a bit I’m going to my friend’s basketball game. Wanna come?” Said Josh, shoving a pancake in his mouth.  
Tyler thought for a second, memories suddenly flooding him. Zack and he used to play basketball together all the time when they were younger, before any of this had happened. He teared up slightly and stared into his food, unresponsive.  
“Tyler? Are you alright?” Josh lowered his cutlery and leaned forward a bit, looking up at Tyler. Did he say something?  
He wiped away his tears with his arm and continue to look down at his food.  
“I’m fine. “  
“You sure?”  
“Yes, I’m fine.” Tyler snapped at Josh and he sat back shocked.  
He looked up at Josh, red. “Oh, no, sorry Josh…. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that…”  
Josh shrugged and played it off, even though he was slightly shaken. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. “  
They sat uncomfortably while Josh wolfed down his food, Tyler suddenly losing his appetite. He pushed the pancakes around his plate, thinking about Zack and getting lost in his head. He didn’t notice Josh eyeing him with concern on his face.  
“You don’t have to eat that if you’re not hungry Tyler, I’ll eat it. Anyway, the game starts in about an hour so we should get ready. I have some stuff you can borrow. Later we can quickly check in at your place and get some clothes, if you want.”  
“Oh, yeah. Okay.”

__

Tyler sat awkwardly in borrowed clothes that were a little too big, uninvested in the game while Josh cheered excitedly beside him.  
Someone scored and Josh stood up and cheered for the player, arms in the air and eyes lit up. He sat back down again next to Tyler and put his arm around the boy.  
“Dude! He’s doing so well!”  
Tyler shrugged his shoulders awkwardly and pulled away from Josh’s grip.  
“Yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his hands.  
Josh pulled away and looked at Tyler, concern in his eyes. The boy didn’t look up from his lap but his mouth turned down slightly and his brows were furrowed.  
“A-are you okay, man?” He said softly, placing his hand lightly on the small of Tyler’s back. He leaned into Tyler’s face, trying to read him. Neither boys moved.  
“Hmm?” Inquired the pink-haired boy, but Tyler looked away, desperately trying to fight back tears. He couldn’t cry in front of Josh. He shouldn’t have agreed to coming, Josh invited him out of pity. An idiot for believing, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot. An idiot for even thinking that, for thinking that about Jo-  
Josh saw Tyler fighting himself in his head and held him lightly by the shoulders, standing up slowly and pulling the small boy up with him.  
“C’mon, I can see you’re not comfortable here. Let’s go. I've seen Matthew play plenty of times.”  
Tyler leaned into him, keeping his eyes down but nodding. He was biting his lip, almost drawing blood. Josh ruffled his hair and together they both walked out of the stadium, Josh quietly saying encouraging things to Tyler, but also to himself.  
He had grown close to this boy, and man did he worry.


	7. friend, please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what had he done

||| (((( CHAPTER SEVEN )))) |||  
FRIEND PLEASE  
Tyler sat in his room, his room, in his house. Not Josh’s. He hadn’t seen Josh in days.  
He was feeling panicky and gross, greasy from days of not showering. He put his head in his hands, ran his fingers through his unwashed hair, tapped his foot a few times. Looked around his dark room, feeling like it was getting smaller and smaller every time he glanced at the walls. Tyler muttered to himself, stupid, insecure things. He was a nuisance, a burden, a threat, dangerous, stupid, dumb, idiotic, clingy.  
Tears stung his eyes and he his head against the desk, hard and intentional. He raised his head a second, third, fourth time.  
A car pulled up his driveway, a car he recognised, a familiar car. Josh’s car.  
Tyler stood up and backed up the wall, Josh couldn’t see him like this, no one could see him like this.  
Josh climbed out of his car, jogged up to the door. None of his family was home, maybe he would go away.   
Two, three knocks at the door.  
Tyler’s breath quickened and tears leaked out of his face, and he rushed to his bathroom as he heard his phone ring loudly. The walls were thin, Josh would certainly hear that. He heard the flimsy front door open and heard Josh’s heavy footsteps thud up his stairs, heard his bedroom door slam open and heard Josh decline the call on Tyler’s phone. He slowly walked up to the locked bathroom door, stood for a few seconds, knocked quietly. Another few seconds, soft sobs escaped Tyler’s mouth. This had Josh shocked, and a more urgent knock followed.  
“Tyler, please. I know you’re in there.” Said Josh lightly, worried.  
Tyler only half heard this, and scrambled around in the bathroom, looking for something, anything. He found it, them. He found something sharp. Another sob escaped his mouth.  
“Tyler… “  
As he cut into his skin, a “fuck” left his gritted teeth.  
“Tyler, Tyler what are you doing.”  
He kept doing it, he even laughed a little. Too many times, much too deep. He didn’t even bother making them straight, he got lazy. Josh banged his fists against the door.  
“TYLER! LET ME IN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR SELF TYLER.”  
Tyler ignored Josh and laughed again, then sobbed again, then. Realisation. Panic, fear, he was scared. What had he done, Josh was right there. His eyes were getting fuzzy, the room was getting darker. Blood, blood everywhere. He tried to stand, but he could barely see now. His blood smeared hands left prints everywhere, staining the white bathroom with red.  
“TYLER. GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, TYLER.”   
Josh was panicking now too, he had seen the red as it moved from the tiled floor to the wooden one. He counted to three, raised his leg and kicked the door. He stood shocked for a few seconds, how could he bleed this much. Tyler was crying, crying so much, looking down at himself in disgust.  
Josh tried to lift the frail boy, but he pulled away.  
“No, Josh, you, y-you, you can’t see me like this, no. Josh, I’m so sorry, I don’t- I don’t know why, I just, it’s always there Josh, always there I’m always thinking it, even when I’m w-with you..”  
He tried to stifle out an explanation but could barely speak past his sobs, he was holding his arms tightly, trying to stop the blood.   
Josh got on his knees.  
“Tyler.”  
The dying boy stopped resisting, partly because of Josh, and partly because he was losing consciousness. The room was so much smaller, so much smaller than him and he couldn’t breathe.  
Josh had the red on him now too, and he was struggling to lift Tyler.

He was crying now too.  
“TYLER! PLEASE, FRIEND, PLEASE, DON’T DO THIS, HELP ME, HELP ME GET YOU OUT OF HERE, -I-I NEED YOU ALIVE, TYLER.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh yeah we got an edgy cliffhanger.
> 
> sorry dudes
> 
> i think one or two chapters after this, okay y'all?
> 
> sorry this was probably so shit oml


	8. ROOMS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> making it

||| (((( CHAPTER EIGHT )))) |||  
ROOMS

Beep… Beep… Beep…  
Nurses and Doctors had stopped crowding Tyler, his arms were bandaged, his vitals were normalizing and he was breathing fine.  
Dim white lights hung above Tyler’s rising and falling chest and the various medical things connected to him. A few machines beeped and hummed, and the murmur of the people in the hospital filled the sad silence in the air.  
Josh hated hospitals. Hospitals are filled with people in pain, people dying, death everywhere. It made him uncomfortable to know that people could be breathing their last breaths and not even knowing it. He passed three people crying out to their loved ones being wheeled away as he walked to Tyler’s room, moving briskly and picking up his pace.  
He turned another corner into another white hallway, hands in his pockets. He passed a white door, another white door, a brown door reading ‘staff’, another white door.  
12…, 13…, 14…, 15. Tyler’s room.  
Of course, as he opened the door, it wasn’t just Tyler. There were three other people in that room, a teen younger than Josh with bandages on his arms and legs, an older man with an IV attached to him, and an elderly woman. This lady was dying, Josh had overheard the nurses talking about moving her into the hospice, or maybe back home, but her son was in another state and he couldn’t help look after her.  
Josh sat down in an uncomfortable faux-leather chair next to Tyler’s bed and looked at the sleeping boy. His brown hair was messy, greasy. It hadn’t been washed. He had dark circles under his eyes, circles Josh hadn’t noticed before, and his nails still had dried blood under them. Tyler looked so fragile, so small, smaller than he ever had, and Josh was tearing up.  
He wiped his eyes, no this is stupid, don’t cry, Tyler is fine, you can take him home soon. A thought: Tyler wouldn’t want to come home with Josh.  
He saw the frightened look in his eyes when Josh kicked down the door. How scared Tyler looked as blood ran down his arms, staining his clothes. He remembered Tyler fighting, pushing Josh away as he tried to help him, tried to get him off the floor. Josh also remembered Tyler crying, begging Josh to leave him, trying to explain what he had done as if it were logical. But they were both crying, no one could speak, and Tyler was flitting in and out of consciousness, he was getting limp and there was so much blood, so much blood-  
“Excuse me, sir? Are you okay?”  
A nurse snapped Josh out of his head and he looked down at his hands. His finger nails were gripping into his thighs, leaving red crescent moons as he let go. Josh smiled at the nurse.  
“Ah, yes. Um- u, yes, yes. I-uh-I, I’m, I’m fine. Yes.” A long exhale. “Yes. I am okay.”  
The nurse smiled faintly, not very humoured by Josh’s stuttering.  
“Please don’t do that, especially not around our patient here,” Said the nurse, gesturing to Tyler. “We don’t want to trigger anyone, now do we?”  
Josh looked at the young woman oddly. Tyler wasn’t even awake. He started to argue, but she cut him off.  
“Anyway, if you could leave the room, we need to check up on-, err,” She flicked a few pages on her clipboard and scanned the forms. “Ah, yes. We need to check Tyler here.”  
The nurse (her badge said ‘Gracie’) smiled a fake smile and gestured out the door. Josh stood up.  
“Its’s, uh, its fine. I can stay in here, he won’t mi- “  
“Young man, only family can really be here for long periods of time, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  
Josh’s stutter stopped. “Well actually Gracie, Tyler’s family doesn’t want to be here. I’m here instead.”  
The nurse pursed her lips. “Sir.”  
Josh scoffed and left the room, walking a bit down the hallway and sat on an uncomfortable white bench next to a drink fountain, put his head in his hands and worried.

__

The nurse closed the door in the room and Tyler sleepily sat up.  
“He’s gone?”  
“I told him to leave. I can make sure he can’t come back in here, if you want.”  
Tyler rubbed his eyes. “No, it’s just…” A long sigh. “It’s a bit of a long story, and I feel like I disgust him.”  
“Hospitals freak out plenty of people.”  
“Sure.”  
The nurse fiddled with her pen as she read through her clipboard, flicking pages and humming to herself.  
“He seems to care a lot about you, that boy. And he is right, about your family. We still haven’t been able to get in touch with your mother.”  
Tyler shrugged.  
“I can make my own way home when I get discharged.”  
The nurse looked up from her clipboard and frowned.  
“ No you can’t, actually. You’re a minor, a parent or guardian needs to sign you out.”  
Tyler laughed at this. “So I guess I’ll just stay here forever, then? My mum could be dead for all I know, I haven’t seen her for days. And my brother? He couldn’t care less.”  
The nurse was stunned.  
“I-uh, we can probably make an exception for you, maybe, I’ll see what I can do. But because of the severity of your injuries, and the actual technicalities that come with an attempted suicide case…”  
Tyler zoned out and stopped listening as Gracie rambled on about various psychological and medical things. He stared out the door and into the white hallway, craning his neck to see if he could get a glimpse of Josh, but he saw nothing. The pink-haired boy had probably left. He wondered if Josh’s parents knew what Tyler had done. What Tyler had done, not only to himself but probably also to Josh.  
Josh had kicked down the door to get to Tyler, and when he did all he could see was a tiny, fragile, dying boy. He probably thought he was pathetic, why did he even bother trying to help?  
But then Tyler remembered Josh’s tears, Josh yelling, crying out to him and seeing him fumble shakily, trying to lift Tyler. He remembered Josh’s arms also being covered in blood, smeared on his face and all over his legs. Josh had managed to lift him up, he had gotten on one knee and that was where all of it had gone dark.   
Still, only one word could come to his mind: Disgust.


	9. tear in my heart, again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> getting close could have happened a lot more easily

||| (((( CHAPTER NINE )))) |||  
TEAR IN MY HEART AGAIN

 

It had been a few days since Tyler had been rushed to the emergency room, drugged, stitched up, and now was on his way home from the hospital, fresh bandages around his healing wrists and new circles under his eyes. He sat, gaze down, in the passenger seat of Josh’s car, fumbling his twitching hands and doubting himself and the boy beside him.

Josh sat in the driver’s seat of his car, running his fingers over his bruised knuckles and doubting himself and the boy beside him. They both sat, faces shadowed and tired.

“I’m… Sorry, Josh. I…” Tyler started to stammer, trying to cover up the gaping silence in the car.

“No, Tyler. Don’t try to apologise.” Said Josh, turning his body to face Tyler, trying to remain calm. The brunette boy tried to read his face, but couldn’t place anything. What was going through this pretty little pink head? 

“This isn’t something I want you to try and apologise for. You don’t have to say sorry, I’m the one at fault here… I didn’t notice before, before b-before you…”  
Tears started to form in his eyes, Tyler had never seen anyone, especially Josh, this vulnerable. A strong hand ran through his bubble gum hair then fell to his thigh, then to his face again as he rubbed his eyes.

Josh sat up straight, [trying to stay strong for Tyler, he needs you right now] and put his hands on the steering wheel. “Tonight, and tomorrow night, and probably the night after that, you are staying at my house. You are sleeping in my bed, with me, and I am not letting you fucking go anywhere without me.” A tight grip on the wheel, he avoided eye contact.

Tyler was going to argue, opened his mouth, then closed it. Opened it again, closed it again. “Okay.”  
Josh hit the steering wheel hard, [a little too hard, much too hard. where did those bruises come from], “No Tyler, I was so fucking scared, so f- wait, okay? You’re agreeing?”  
Tyler nods.  
“You, you… you don’t have to sleep in my bed if you don’t want,”  
Trying not to blush, Tyler fiddles with the edges of his bandages. Josh notices straight away, grabs Tyler’s hands, pulls them to his chest. “Stop that.” 

Tylers fingertips lightly graze over Josh’s shirt, tracing the muscles he’d seen many times but never touched. Josh tried to swallow the lump in his throat and failed. His eyes are staring directly into Tylers, and both of them realised the beautiful melted chocolate that was their irises.  
“What are you?” Tyler asks.

Both of them looked down.

“W-what do you mean?” Josh says.

Tyler shifts a little closer.

“You know. I know you’ve had a girlfriend, but…”

Josh looks up and smiles. “But?”

Tyler laughs. “Answer the question, asshole.”

Josh is shy again. “Honestly, I don’t know. I never even questioned myself before, but…”

Tyler raises an eyebrow. “But?” He tightens his grip on Joshs hands.

“Well, I guess I met you.” He inches closer.

“Are you trying to tell me something, bubble gum boy?”

Loss of eye contact again. Josh looks around awkwardly, lets Tylers hands fall slightly. Eye contact fixed. Grip tightens.

“I’m trying to say that I’ve had sleepless nights thinking about you, perfect nights next to you. I’ve been called slurs, I’ve had rocks thrown at me, and ive chased kida half way cross an oval. I’ve stayed in hospitals despite hating them, I’ve had nurses kick me out. I’m tryna say I kinda wanna kiss you, but this isn’t romantic, because your wrists are bandaged and my knuckles are bruised, and I don’t know if you’ll kiss me back.”

Tyler lightly presses down on Josh’s knuckles, and the tattooed boy hisses under his breath.  
“Writers would say its beautifully, tragically poetic.”  
“Who would want to write about a couple of dudes making out in a car?”  
Biting his lip. “You're cheesy, Joshua William Dun. Lets go.”

M E L T I N G

_

Later that night, both boys were in Josh’s bed, clothed and still virgins. Niether of them really wanted to stop, but both of them knew they wouldn’t know what to do if they went any further.  
The bubble gum boys tattooed arms were wrapped around the damaged fragile boy, his face nestled softly in the crook of his neck. Their linked fingers fell limp as they both dreamt together.  
That night was not a sleepless night, but Tyler knew there were more to come.


End file.
